my starting point

Everyone in my life (friends and family) always at some point made a mention about me losing weight. Like "are you sure you want that second helping??"..."lets trying something healthier"....."Let's go work out" My favorite was always "the look" I would get when I would get a second helping. But sure enough I never took their words or looks to heart. They were my friends and family, they were going to love me no matter what I looked like. But I must admit there were many moments when I would be a real bitch about it. I was sick and tired of hearing it and I know the only way for it to stop was for me to actually do something about it but part of me wanted to lose the weight and another part of me didn't want to. Of course I wanted to be skinny and healthy but at the same time I didn't feel like I was worth it.

For me losing the weight was a huge deal. It was going to take a lot of time. And sticking to a diet for more than 3 weeks was like pulling teeth. I knew it was going to be a journey. I felt like you told me I had to walk from California (my starting point) all the way to New York (my finish line), without a car, map, or GPS. Just me and my sense of direction. I didn't want to do it. I was scared.



Until back in August 2005: I went in for my monthly chiropractor appointment and my doctor sat me down....This was my turning point.



She told me "I know I am your doctor but I am talking to you as a concerned friend. You need to lose weight. You're only 19 and your going to have many health problems if you don't take care of this now."



The moment I heard that from her I felt so ashamed that I let myself get to this point. I seriously was about to cry right then and there. My face was all red and I was trying so hard to keep myself from breaking down in front her. All I did was just nod my head trying to say ok and left in a hurry.





So I did the obvious, I stopped eating fast food. Before all of my meals came from a drive-thru. I was too lazy to cook or even prepare anything at home. I made the neccessary changes: cutting my calories to 1,000 calories a day and working out 5 times a week (1 to 2 hours at a time). Within the next year and a half I lost 40 lbs :) But it was a major struggle. What helped me was changing my mind set. I had to have more patience. And I had to accept the fact that it was going to be a S-L-O-W process.

But don't get me wrong I was constantly HUNGRY!!! When I'm hungry I am not in a good mood at all. And of course I was tired all of the time. All I wanted to do as soon as I got home was go to sleep. I live within minutes from work and driving back home at the end of the day I would all most fall asleep at the wheel. Yes I lost the 40 lbs but it sure didn't look like I lost any weight. My clothes felt looser but I didn't see any drastic results. And people around my life would notice a little but not to the point where their jaw was dropping. And of course I wasn't happy yet. I wanted to be the "skinny minnie". But I knew it was going to take time.



The next year and half later was the toughest time for me......I hit a plateau. I was practically starving myself and going to the gym constantly (It was like my second home). But I still didn't lose any more weight not even a half a pound.



Every week I would weight myself I would get so frustrated. And week after week I would be scared. I went through numerous depressions. That point in my life I rarely went out and really didn't keep in touch with my friends. I pretty much kept to myself.

my journey to weight loss and self discovery

My official first blog :)

the purpose of this weekly blog is basically for 2 things: one is to help me heal and act as some sort of self therapy and the second purpose is to hopefully inspire others and let them know they're not alone. So here we go.....

I've been overweight all of my life (since I was 3). My heaviest weight was 245 lbs back in 2005. I always knew I needed to lose weight. I've made many MANY attempts to lose the weight but I knew my weight loss journey was going to take time (at least a year). And for me I wanted to just wake up one morning and I'll be at my goal weight INSTANTLY. Yeah I know its not realistic but a girl can dream can't she?!?

Trust me I've done everything and I mean EVERYTHING. And I've failed many times, and each time I failed I lost a little bit of hope each time. It came to a point where I was running on empty in the hope department.

I knew it was going to take a lot out of me (time, patience, faith, determination, and strength) all of which I didn't think I had. And when it was one of those days that I felt I would have to "accept" that I am just going to be the "Fat girl" for the rest of my life and be ok with it, I would pray for a miracle to happen which would eventually lead to crying myself to sleep......aaawww....I'm starting to tear up right now :( this is hard remembering and going back to that point in my life. But I have to write about this, I think its the only way for me to acknowledge it and leave it behind me once and for all. If not its going to build up inside of me and I don't want that to happen. I need to deal with my past head on.

More to come on this.......